Finding Warmth
by Grymmeoir
Summary: Kenny dies for real this time and finds himself drifting the world as a spirit...or ghost...or whatever the hell he's supposed to be, honestly he has no clue what he is right now. BUNNY


**A/N: Oh hey guys I am not dead but Kenny IS in this fanfic! This fic is a bit angsty and somewhat silly, I was aiming for something emotional but I kind of failed to make it seem that way, if you didn't already know this is KennyxButters, some other slash pairings were also mentioned here but they don't really change much of the story so I don't think that they deserve special mention.  
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**Anyway please enjoy reading.**

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_"I think you could fall in love with anyone if you saw the parts of them that no one else gets to see. Like if you followed them around invisibly for a day and you saw them crying in their bed at night or singing to themselves as they make a sandwich or even just walking along the street and even if they were really weird and had no friends at school, I think after seeing them at their most vulnerable you wouldn't be able to help falling in love with them. "_

_-Anonymous  
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Impaled, shot, electrocuted, burned, dismembered, crushed, run over, attacked by a ravenous animal, hit by a projectile, plagued by a disease, drowned, and various other brutalities. These are the ways that I have died, only to be revived the following day lying in my bed as if nothing had happened.

At first it was okay, I was happy that I got another chance to live, but then it kept repeating and repeating that I eventually wished that I actually died so I wouldn't have to experience another death anymore. I feel like a whore being passed around by Life and Death…I am not meant to be alive yet Death doesn't want me either, and for many years I have been thinking what have I done wrong in my life to experience this? Dying sucks, not only is it painful physically, it's also painful emotionally and psychologically. Another thing that sucks is that the people around me never seem to remember that I die, it's like my pain was all for naught…then again **it is** since I almost die every day unnecessarily.

But as the years go by I stopped being angsty about the not dying thing and just embraced it as something that's part of me, because I realized that no one is ever going to care except for me and bitching about it won't do any good. And that seemed to make me feel better.

A few months ago I died again… A terminal illness of some sort, parents grieving, friends visiting….I watched my body lay down on the hospital bed devoid of life, I was unfazed. I've seen this shit before. In a day or so I'll awake in my own room and the whole dying thing will be erased from everyone's minds as if nothing ever happened.

Or at least that's what I thought was going to happen…

I never revived or got back to my body I was now nothing but a mere spirit watching over everyone. I had the chance to watch my funeral and all the people who visit me grieve, Stan, Kyle…surprisingly Cartman and all of my other friends at school.

At that moment I knew that I was really dead, that this was all real and that I am never coming back and it was really fucking painful, more painful than all the deaths I've experienced before, Another painful thing I got to see was seeing Karen cry I wanted to tell her that I am alright and that I am still here for her, that her big bro is always watching over protecting her but of course…I can't.

Eventually the number of people who visited my grave decreased, they grew tired; they had to continue with their lives of course, Then came the day where no one ever came to visit my grave again, not my family, my friends …no one.

And so I decided to move on and stop watching my grave, I went on to the town and tried to find something else to do.

I am currently drifting in this world as a spirit…or ghost…or whatever the fuck I am supposed to be. I am invisible to others but I don't really pass through objects. Sure it had its perks; you never get hungry, or sleepy, and you don't have to piss or shit. You can also fly around and teleport wherever you want and you can spy at people fucking or watch women get naked and they wouldn't know. And then there's the downside which is the crippling depression of seeing your love ones continue their lives without you…fuck.

Although the worst of it all is the cold, living in South Park I can stand the cold fairly well but this isn't the same as that cold…it's not merely physical it's like a cold that emanates from the inside. I can't describe it very well since I am not a poetic fuck but yeah it's a kind of cold feeling that you can't quell.

But eventually I got used to it…the first few weeks I was crying hard and bawling my eyes out but now I am completely desensitized maybe even bored. The only source of entertainment I got nowadays was when I stalk my friends…Stan broke up with Wendy apparently and judging by the fact that I watched him jack off to pictures of Kyle everyday when he thinks no one is looking I'd say the reason for so is Kyle but yeah I am not so sure…Kyle is still the same as before, completely unaware that his best friend is jacking it to pictures of him…To be honest If I was still alive I'd probably find a way to get them together. Cartman is still as fat as ever he's still the sociopath lardass that everyone hates but after seeing him cry during my funeral my hatred for him has lessened.

I also took the liberty of watching Craig, Tweek, Token and Clyde they were pretty boring to watch except for the fact that Craig and Tweek has some unresolved sexual tension together, Token and Clyde too…For fucks sake first Stan and Kyle and now these four too? Apparently South Park is home to closeted homos, if I was alive now I would have easily hooked these guys up and they'll be thanking me like they're the poor and I am Mother Teresa.

Next I watched my family, they were doing okay…Mom and Dad doesn't fight that much anymore, Karen finally made friends at school and Kevin's grade are improving greatly. This actually made me smile and tear up a bit…I was happy but sad at the same time. Because I realized that maybe I was the one who was holding my family back, my family have never done well when I was still alive. I shrugged these pessimistic thoughts and wiped away my tears, fuck I am such a pussy…

I then watched Timmy and Jimmy at summer camp with those weird kids Nathan and Mimsy then I watched Wendy and BeBe who I might say has grown a rather spectacular pair of tits. Red, Nicole, Annie, Jason, Kevin Stoley playing with the his nerd friends, Mr. Garrison watching a marathon of Game of Thrones, Principal Victoria, Stan's dad shitting while thinking of song lyrics, I've watched all the residents of South Park in their everyday lives. But found no one interesting enough to watch over on a daily basis.

Until I decided to watch Butters…

There isn't anything remotely interesting about him the first time I tried to stalk him but when I saw him visiting my grave the other day with a smile and a bouquet of flowers in hand, I felt something weird stir inside me.

So I decided to follow him on the way home.

I observed as Butters gingerly walked in the sidewalk, his hands were swinging, and his face had this dumb smile on. And as dumb as it looked it was contagious so I couldn't help but smile too.

As soon as he entered his house he was grounded by his father, and damn I must say I feel sorry for the guy, he climbed up the stairs and entered his room, slightly sad over the fact that he got grounded, he then laid down on his bed and closed his eyes. His chest rose slowly with every breath, his eyes were closed although I could see little drops of moisture form from his tear ducts, was he crying? For what? Because he was grounded? I doubt that's the reason…

"Kenny…"

He whispered, his voice was laced with sadness and his tears began to pool some more. I was no doubt astonished…He called out my name once more albeit softer and quieter than before. I am not one to jump to conclusions and I am not trying to make myself feel special or anything but I think Butters has yet to recover from my death.

I sighed and sat down beside his lying figure, I knew that he couldn't see me nor feel me but I couldn't help but touch the top of his head as an attempt to comfort him…He felt warm to touch, and it felt weird as normally whenever I touch something these days it's feels cold whether it be random objects, that hot lady's boob or even fire itself…it felt ice cold.

But Butters was warm, A comforting kind of warm…you know how it feels when you drink that warm cup of cocoa when it's snowing hard outside? That's how he felt. It was as if I was the one who has been comforted rather than him…Living as a spirit I felt nothing but cold and his touch is just what I needed.

I shifted my gaze towards Butters' face and he had apparently fallen asleep, He had a smile forming upon his lips, and I wondered if he felt the warm cozy feeling I felt when I touched him earlier…

It was from then on that I knew I couldn't leave him, I keep telling myself that I was just watching over him but in reality I knew that I was the one who needed him, his touch was the only thing that comforted me…He was the only warm thing that can quell the cold inside me and as gay as that sounds that's the fucking truth.

Butters didn't wake up until the next morning came; I know since- Oh God this is going to sound creepy…since I was lying beside him all night. No it wasn't gay nor did it felt gay…It felt warm and comfortable, he was like a hot water bottle for my soul.

He hurriedly sprinted to the shower and I had the honor of watching him do so, It was rather adorable…He was singing that old "loo loo I've got some apples song" that he used to sing when we were younger, Also I saw his penis but I didn't think of anything as I've already seen it multiple times before whenever I bump into him at the toilets.

Next he was brushing his teeth, the guy had a bunny decorated toothbrush…and I knew he wasn't the straightest kid in town but damn, Not gonna lie though…I think it's cute.

After dressing up and fetching his bag, he went straight downstairs. Mrs. Stotch served him breakfast and Mr. Stotch informed him that he's not grounded anymore…That's good.

He soon went outside and walked towards the oh so familiar bus stop, Stan, Kyle and Cartman were all on their usual spot, Butters walked toward my former spot so he replaced me?

"Butters how many times do I have to tell you? That's Kenny's spot you stay over there at the back." Cartman said.

"Ah oh jeez sorry Eric…" Butters said timidly as he moved back about 2 feet away from the guys.

For fucks sake, the poor kid can have my spot I am already fucking dead…They're still treating Butters like that? As much as I appreciate them still remembering me and saving me a spot…Butters need it more than I do.

I got a little bit pissed at Stan and Kyle for not doing anything but then again I remembered that they were already going through gay awkward problems of their own.

The bus soon came and before I knew it Butters was at school, Nostalgia hit me like a ton of bricks as I saw the familiar faces of my classmates…I only ever saw them whenever I stalk them individually and seeing them all here sat down in their desk it's just really fucking nostalgic.

The rest of the day passed by and I discovered that Butters was still pretty much being bullied and being mistreated…come to think of it I was the only one who didn't necessarily bully him back then maybe that's why he was so upset when I died?

Ah shit…I am overthinking this aren't I?

Butters and I weren't really close anyway except for that one time at Hawaii…and when we play superheroes we were usually rivals so…

I felt a chill run through me, so instinctively grab Butters' hand as he was my only source of warmth, And I was instantly comforted.

As the class started my attention drifted from Mr. Garrison towards Butters, well he's really something isn't he? He's been the center of my attention all day, I smiled to myself as I observed his face. His eyes, his nose, his mouth and the way he wrote his notes or how he raised his hands to ask a question only to get scold at by Mr. Garrison for asking such a stupid question…he leaked of childlike innocence, he was obviously very adorable yet his mannerisms and expressions was something more...and he felt really fucking special to me.

Before I knew it class ended and Butters and I were on our way home, or at least I thought we were going to be, Butters was actually heading to the cemetery where I was buried, he didn't bring any flowers or anything like last time, but I didn't mind.

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I saw my grave again, the headstone reading here lies Kenneth McCormick and other generic crap usually written on headstones, It had a bit of mold and grass growing it…which made me realize that it has been quite a while since I died.

I sighed as I watched Butters stare at my grave as if he were trying to look for something, what was he trying to do now?

"Hey Kenny…" Butters said.

I was surprised as I thought that he actually spoke to me, but I realized that he didn't because he wasn't looking at me nor was he looking at my grave…he had his eyes closed.

I didn't answer him, I knew he wouldn't hear me anyway so I just stared at him, waiting for him to continue speaking.

"Uh gee how long are you going to hold my hand Kenny? Y-you'd been holding it since this morning…"Butters said as he opened his eyes and turned his head towards me, his cheeks were faintly flushing.

Our gazes locked, he was addressing me…he can see me? Did he actually know that I was with him all day? He can see me…**HE CAN ACTUALLY SEE ME**. I felt my body grew warmer and I had fucking gay ass butterflies in my stomach.

"Y-you can see me?" I asked him, hoping to clarify things.

He didn't answer, instead he just stared into my eyes, nodded then smiled…and goddamit it was more adorable than a basket full of baby bunnies and kittens.

I tried to keep my cool, and focus my attention to his question I looked at our hands, they were intertwined, I remembered how earlier I held his hands…apparently I had never let go.

"Why d-didn't you like it?" I asked him, I then mentally cursed myself for answering his question with another question…why does Butters of all people make me feel like this, I have never felt so flustered in my life.

He's eyes went wide, then he looked away as if in deep thought. His face then flushed redder as he once again turned his gaze to me. "No, I didn't…" he said timidly.

My heart sunk way low and the butterflies in my stomach felt like cockroaches now, the warmth I was feeling the whole time I was talking to him was now fading and it reminded me of the cold.

"Oh I-" Before I could say anything further Butters cut me off…

"I didn't like it…but oh golly don't get me wrong because the thing is…I think saying I liked it is an understatement, as I actually loved it. Just like…I love you." Butters' face was now as red as a tomato that if his hair were green instead of blonde he would actually look like one.

When I heard him say that the cockroaches in my stomach turned into really gay mariposas and every part of my body felt really warm. I felt like I was going to explode of happiness. I loved him I really do...I didn't know when i realized, was it before I died or after? but the thing is I just do.

"So uh about my question" Butters said, his voice was soft...louder than a whisper but quieter than his usual voice.

I smiled at him gripping his hands tighter, hundreds of words and sentences ran in my head, I tried to think of the perfect way to answer his question but in the end I settled for a single word.

"Forever…" I smiled at him and he smiled back, and I felt all remaining trace of cold leave me, I felt like I was still alive, I felt happy.

I don't know how this relationship could work or if it makes any sense, and there will be a shit ton of problems that will occur if we continue it…but that wasn't on my mind right now, Right now the only thing in my mind is me and Butters...Yes I wish I was still alive right now, I wish that I could have told him I loved him when I was still alive, but the thing is I am dead and there's no way to reverse that and-

Butters gave me a hug interrupting my thoughts, It was warm, comforting and it made my soul feel an indescribable happiness unmatched by any physical nor sexual contact I've ever experienced...

Does being alive or dead matter when you love someone? In a physical way yes, In a spiritual and emotional way...no. And that's exactly what we had a bond that traverses all things physical.

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**A/N: I know the ending is really cheesy, and it feels a bit rushed so I am planning on rewriting this when I get better at writing emotional stories, for now I like it the way it is, Thanks for reading and please review or favorite if you liked it**


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